So, for the past couple of days I’ve been speaking to people about being selfish in the company of others, and other attributes. I gave my personal view on how I see relationships–deal breakers etc. Everyday we grow and learn more about ourselves, and each day our sword becomes a little sharper. Sooner or later we become a distinct piece that only certain pieces will fit. Then you’ll quickly recognize the people that fit, and who you will and will not mesh with. #NoMoreFallingForTheOkieDoke
This morning I stumbled upon this video of Will & Jada on the Oprah show. Their marriage is one of the marriages, more so relationship, that I look up to too and see as ideal. Speaking on their relationship, Will said something so profound. He said,
“If you don’t have a goal, a purpose for your relationship, or a place where you’re going, you can really get lost in the merk of your journey. There has to be a vision. So, why are we together? Why are our two spirits joining together? There’s so much more that you have to be dedicated too.”
I was blown away. Most people are just together to be together. Some because they look good together, or others who feel their lives just seem too fit well. Key word, “seem”. I’m happy to say that I recognize, accept, and understand my DNA and biological make-up. I recognize my genetic code as a woman who works. One with a drive of a million starving mothers seeking desperately to feed her children. Someone who sees the benefit in co-creating–one who actually desires it. Patience, tolerance, compassion, and love are my first born. I’m very mysterious and spontaneous. I can be really aggressive and something really sensitive. No I’m not an erratic emotional roller coaster, I have a filter! Just had to clear that up. lol The key is being able to read me. I understand that as a woman I nurture, but as a working woman, I’m “The BOSS.” I’ve learned my boundaries and I’ve also learned, what spaces to allow myself to be revealed, and what spaces not too. See, most men don’t like that. Am I to make any revisions for them? Absolutely not! Because I know, coming from parents who worked nail and hammer, that my drive cannot be hidden nor suppressed–no matter what. Its natural. Those fellas are just not for me, and I’m okay with that. After all, I’m sure everyone wants someone who is going to ADD to their attributes and interests. I see the value of family and a partnership as a building, an I want an EMPIRE!
It’s a wonderful thing when you’ve found the importance of your own life 1st. I’m not saying afterwards the matching will be easy, because it certainly will not, but you’ll be able to confidently say, “That’s just not what I’m looking for; thank you, but no thank you.” Yes, even when the outside package is hands down phenomenally yours, and on paper your lives fit together. In all honesty, those things will no longer matter, and your perception of attractive will seep skin deep. An one other thing, sometimes, mostly women, see there match before the other does. But just remember if you do, BE PATIENT! You never want to be ready and arrive at a destination that is not ready for you just yet. That’s a destruction waiting to happen. Now that you’ve found him, let him find you (and vise-versa). For my ladies, just accidentally run into him on your way to the “store” and the rest is history! You know, you just happened to be on his side of town. *wink, wink 🙂 I gave that one away for free!
I hope this video reaches you to understand the importance of finding the purpose in your own life first, and then matching that purpose with someone else’s. Because when she/he’s not around, your comfortable; but by God when he/she shows up, the fourth of July has nothing on the time you all are together! All things will come when they’re suppose too. Just be ready!
“Successful relationships are built upon the foundation of bringing committed love to the table every day, communicating your feelings, receiving your partner’s feelings and setting healthy boundaries to maintain a sense of independence within the relationship. This allows for love to be given and received, proper adjustments to be made if the line of communication gets fuzzy and still gives each of you the freedom to be yourself and bring forth your unique creative expression. This combination will manifest the strongest and healthiest relationships in your life. And remember, the purpose of relationships is to be happy, to learn and to CO-create a life together.”– Jackson Kiddard