Marriage= Survival or Love?

When it came to down to a man marrying a woman, women were seen as a burden when time to wed. Are you approaching marriage in a traditional sense not knowing what it means? Pretty looks and child-bearing is one thing, but what happens when its time for the real work to happen?

It has always been a personal pet peeve of mine to see women and girls consistently go on about love, relationships, and marriage. The stories never change. It’s always I want this, I expect that, or this isn’t going to happen if this doesn’t happen. Once in a while is okay, but when it becomes repetitive? Like give it up already! As a young woman myself, yes I want all those things. I want to fall deeply in love, get married, have kids and roll off into the sunset to death with my partner of 40 plus years. Okay I’m being sarcastic. Is it too much to ask to serve this life journey with someone who views, and attempts (mistakes and all) to live life in unison with yours? Cause that’s all I want. What’s marriage, kids, and spending years of your life in someone else’s space without that? A migraine with a lot of responsibilities! Let’s face it. 95% of our desires are created by the media–religious stories, fairy tales, movies etc. My question is what do you think? Or do you not think? As much as I love traditions, I make it a habit to challenge those traditions. No, not debate it, but simply doing my research to find out how it all started. After all, I can guarantee you that many people would discontinue some of these traditions they religiously practice, if they knew how some traditions came about. No question.

One of my biggest fears is to be settled in a relationship, marriage, emotional connection, or having children with someone who is not meant for me; my biggest fear. To me it’s ideally the worst situation ever. Although people find themselves in those unfortunate situations daily, my heart, sanity, and energy can’t take it. Those are some STRONG individuals! For many reasons it’s probably why I am in no rush. I don’t seek to find it. I just let it happen if it’s to happen, which brings me back to why I began this post in the first place. I stumbled upon this photo.

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The insinuation that love is clever, pregnancy without wed is dumb, marriage is a scheme, and being ignorant to the point where I cannot control my emotions, is drama. I found it interesting, you draw your own conclusions.

An then this reoccurring photo, and quite annoying meme comes down my news feed.

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I have to ask, “Is your whole life happiness solely based on a ceremony and a signed, notarized, and documented piece of paper?”

Ladies, enough with the photos, quotes, meme’s, and twisted philosophical teachings about relationships and marriage. Turn off the t.v. and romantic movies. Currently those situations are far from real to you. You’re only doing one thing and that is pushing away someone who may be interested in you. Don’t be victims of what society paints as perfect. They’re the same ones who once, if not still secretly believe racism is okay. You do the math.

Okay let’s get too it. Marriage! Where did it all start? Marina Adshade says, “About 23,000 years ago, the invention of the plough over 4,000 years ago meant that the most productive household arrangements were ones in which men and women divided their tasks. This is the era in which marriage became the union between two people who was recognized by their community. Agriculture tied people to their land, meaning that at the end of the four-year period neither men nor women had any inclination to wander off to find a new family. And so they stayed together and worked as a unit to feed and care for the children they produced. The creation of marriage as a legal contract between men and women came into being over time as communities settled on what was a “normal” way for them to organize a family and then codified that normalcy into law. The real origin of marriage came from the biological desire of both men and women to see their children survive – it was the evolutionary dominate strategy. Marriage is no longer needed for children to survive, so do we still need marriage?”

Here are some facts about marriage. According to Tia Ghose, a staff writer for livescience.com who interviewed Stephanie Coontz, “Marriage is an arranged alliance. Early marriage was seen as a strategic alliance between families, with the youngsters often having no say in the matter. Keeping alliances within the family was also quite common. In the Bible, the forefathers Isaac and Jacob married cousins and Abraham married his half-sister. Cousin marriages remain common throughout the world, particularly in the Middle East. In fact, Rutgers anthropologist Robin Fox has estimated that the majority of all marriages throughout history were between first and second cousins.” Interesting! But wait, it doesn’t stop there. “In many early cultures, men could dissolve a marriage or take another wife if a woman was infertile. However, the early Christian church was a trailblazer in arguing that marriage was not contingent on producing offspring. The early Christian church held the position that if you can procreate you must not refuse to procreate. But they always took the position that they would annul a marriage if a man could not have sex with his wife, but not if they could not conceive,” Coontz told LiveScience. I guess that shows reasoning as to why men think and believe their wife is beneath them and are under them to be directed. Something I extremely loathe! Okay let’s continue.

Coontz says, “Still, marriage wasn’t about equality until about 50 years ago. At that time, women and men had unique rights and responsibilities within marriage. For instance, in the United States, marital rape was legal in many states until the 1970s, and women often could not open credit cards in their own names. Women were entitled to support from their husbands, but didn’t have the right to decide on the distribution of community property. And if a wife was injured or killed, a man could sue the responsible party for depriving him of “services around the home,” whereas women didn’t have the same option, Coontz said. Talk about the pot calling the kettle.

Now, I’m not entirely at all ends with my research on marriage and its origin and am not totally against it. I too hope to be married someday, but if I end up in a super long relationship and wed at the age of 76 like Tina Turner so be it. Marriage is a simple system that is constantly misconstrued by the media. It’s utterly disrespectful for someone to look at me and think I’m only limited to an apron, the kitchen, and the bedroom. Areas that I have no problems in if I have to say so myself. It seems that you have to be one way or the other. I am equally domestic and business oriented. If a housewife is another woman’s choice straight out the gate, by all means ROCK-IT-OUT. I’m not against that either. I’m just merely trying to get you, my readers, to realize that not every tradition you must hold to high standards of the all is all, and be all. I urge you to challenge your thoughts and beliefs. Delimit your thoughts and teachings. I did and found a whole new world to discover, and don’t plan on stopping. Lastly, too my future husband, I look forward to building our unstoppable alliance of freedom and endless possibilities!

Explore away!

Published by

Sarah Lee

Welcome! My name is Sarah Lee and I'm a Business Strategist and social entrepreneur who loves the outdoors, a good book, and scary movies year round! Throughout this quirky, rich, and mysterious life of mine, I genuinely love to 'share' my experiences as a learning tool. I thought, what better way to track my level of growth than by sharing my experiences and the lessons learned thereof, than in my blog? A wise woman once said, "You are your own masterpiece, therefore, instead of mastering it, master you."

2 thoughts on “Marriage= Survival or Love?”

  1. “1) I agree with the statement about “recreational relationships”, as far as having children. If there is no man in the house the woman will have to become “strong” through biological adaptation. Marriage is more than a piece of paper; it is an enterprise between a man and a woman.

    2) The more you know about yourself, the better you will find your husband/wife. Most marriages end because one person finally “finds themselves” and realize the person they are wit is not the one. If they would know who they are and be honest before, they would lessen their chances of a divorce.

    3) Dating is a recent phenomenon created to boost the economy. If anything it complicates a relationship because women turn it into a competition. They do not respect the individuality of each guy and want you to compete with the previous dude or somebody else’s BF. Like you stated in the article, most marriages are arranged and meant to pair families with other established families. It has nothing to do with love or romance which can come and go like the seasons.

    4) I would never marry for love. The only way I would marry is for compatibility with my “mission statement” as a future husband. Once the love and honeymoon stage wears off you’re stuck with a person you have nothing in common with. That is another reason why the divorce rate is so high.

    5) Before marriage there should be an honest assessment of likes and dislikes. Too many times people front because they don’t wanna lose that person. But little do they know, the longer they put up the charade the more costly that impending divorce will be.

    6) Marriage is the key to keeping family stability and history. Wherever you see strong family structures you see strong schools and communities. Even if you don’t sign any papers you still need a strong dedicated union to raise the next generation.

    7) You’re absolutely right! Most of these broads are living in fantasy land about marriage. They bring nothing to the table outside of sex and vanity. But the problem with that is that every woman has the same body parts. So what is going to make you a hot commodity to a “good man”? Have you been studying how to be a good wife and mother? They go into marriages as interns and not executives. Unfortunately, it’s not going to end well for the majority of them despite the nice Facebook photo albums.

    The conundrum is that women can’t have two masters and be effective. They have to either be about the family or their work. That is how nature designed it. Even worse is if there is no man in the house to facilitate that as well.

    9) White people understand the importance of marriage. They get divorces once their last kid graduates because they understand the needs of the kids. They also don’t base fidelity solely on sex. The term “faithfulness” transcends sex. But when all a woman has to offer is sex, it becomes the end all of a relationship. Sex is not the only form of “cheating.” But since most women are clueless about relationships, they have no idea of courtesies, rights, and privileges they are to be afforded in a relationship.

    10) I like how you called it an “unstoppable alliance of freedom and endless possibilities.”- Ernie Floyd via. Facebook

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