I watched a speech somewhere online where the speaker said, “As we get older we begin to lose things.” I think he/she meant to reference people. I’ve been running away from facing my feelings of hurt because I didn’t want to find myself in the space I was in when I lost Jamaal. I know the true meaning behind, there’s a time and place for everything. Today in a couple of hours I will have the chance to mourn your passing. I keep asking myself, how many pew’s do I have to sit in, trying to accept the transition of an extremely young friend who I adored? I’m not the best at expressing how I feel verbally to people, because I believe sometimes words don’t do any justice. It’s that or I really just can’t get it out. You just feel the adoration without having to express it. Well, only you knew that, or did you? I have to ask the universe, because this is number two! Yea I get it, the older I get the more people or “things” I’ll lose. But what is it? Do we not say enough to the people we love? Do we not care enough? What am I being asked to learn? If I get the point to be more awake, aware, and appreciative and others don’t, how do I work around that? By force? *shrugs
I’m learning, but God it feels hopeless when you miss countless opportunities and now, you’ll NEVER have the chance to regain anything! It’s crazy how a number of memories can become ancient history so quick and it was just a couple of months. I know there’s far more to this life than what we see, so like always, I’ll say what I heard Dr. Weiss say. He said, “The end after all, is only the beginning.” so, I’m screaming a little louder, working twice as hard at the things I want to change, and dreaming bigger than I had, because you and J. Rose (rest his soul) is teaching me not to waste a split second on living.
SN: I think we all take for granted the term “good friends”.
From a friend to a friend, I love you and will see you again.