Real Friends. How Many Of Us?

I want to share this because energetic exchanges are real.

Today while I was out I met a male friend (it’s a fresh friendship) for a few minutes. I was getting an oil change and he was in the area.

Our interaction was fairly normal up until the last few seconds before departing. He’s a pretty cool guy with a pretty calm spirit. However, when we went our separate ways, I felt empty. It was as if someone sucked the life out of me.

Now, I was having a pretty good day and my spirits were high. What the hell just happened?

I’m a tell you.

I have quite a few male friends and it’s pretty easy befriending males, not that it’s any different with women. I am fully aware that some male “friends”, although they don’t say it, want to be more than friends. I can tell. It’s clear as day. Which is fine, whatever.

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But then there are the men who befriend you, want more, push for it and when you give the clear signal that either you’re not ready to go there quite yet or not at all, they begin to do things.

If they’re not using their words aggressively, they use their energy and/or treat you in a passive aggressive manner to get you to somehow yearn their company. That or they attempt to convince you that there’s something wrong with you.

I personally keep company with very few people and I’ll dismiss myself without warning if I feel something isn’t right. The truth behind that is, I’m very sensitive to other people’s energy. I’ve been that way since I’ve been a child. Therefore, I HEAVILY limit, govern and monitor my interaction with others. Religious institutions, professions, status, gender, money etc does not alter or offer up some type of exception to that either.

So no, I’m not being a B word or think I’m too good of a person for you.

Does it mean I care about someone any less if I suddenly disappear and am no longer around? No.

I just know that sometimes people’s intentions (both for men and woman) aren’t of the best intentions.

I’m not in denial. I get it. I have a pretty strong personality and it’s not widely popular, especially being a woman.

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But I want to make it clear that Sarah Lee comes first. I have to protect her space at all cost. Whether it’s a friendship or a relationship, I don’t care who you are, that will never supersede the importance of my sacred space.
In conclusion, I give all gratitude to the divine for supplying me with an abundance of amazing male and female friends that make it easy for me to sniff out who are not. I encourage you to strengthen your discernment and never compromise your space for an old or new friendship/relationship that doesn’t feel right.
I’m just sharing my experience.
~Xoxo
P.S. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this new friendship. Instead of breaking it off without warning, I’ll attempt to point out my concerns. I think. *shrugs

Life is a daring adventure…

It’s well over a week (well, only like one day over) into the new year and I’m just now checking in. So bad! With all good reason, though.

I have NEVER experienced losing someone so close to me that it affects almost everything surrounding you. Family, finances, communication, emotions, relationships…you name it! I haven’t even begun to wrap my mind around everything because of how chaotic things have been. My only desire is to MOVE THE HECK ON! But, with all of your might, it seems very resistant on every attempt.

In true Sarah Lee fashion, wherever there is an open door I take it!

Life is a daring adventure…either you do or you don’t.

Outside of my personal transitions, I’m now back into FULL BLOWN entrepreneurship mode. Upon hiding out in the mid-west, I’ve taken upon a few projects to ramp up my new normal and the overall tighten the passing of a parent puts you.

Have you ever been strangled? (I hope not)  That’s what it feeling like almost everyday!

As I sit here at the dining room table, next to the fireplace with an amazing view of the mountains, instead of feeling anxious about all that I have on my plate (like on a normal day), I Am extremely grateful for this space of peace. Honestly, that’s all I wanted or want post my dad’s transition. PEACE – aka a space to deal with everything.

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And then there’s everyone back home and everywhere else buzzing around, asking questions trying to figure out where I am and who I’m with.

By the way, why does a MAN have to be the reason why a girl picks up and runs away for space? smh I’m not that girl, folks, so cut it– no offense to those that are. People and their opinions…

One of my biggest fears is, I don’t want any of what has happened to affect me in the future (emotionally and mentally), because I haven’t given myself enough time to deal with everything. Sure, I Am forever changed, yet there are detrimental things that on an emotional level can affect me if I don’t take time to just DEAL.

Now that I’m  here (in a kind of paradoxical situation), although it’s not ideal, I know it’s purposeful. There are so many decisions left to make and it’s an extremely tough position to be in when you don’t have the person around who you should consult with before making these tough decisions. I may sound optimist and insightful, but it’s a daily struggle to NOT be flat out angry at everything and everyone, including my dad. Terrible isn’t it? It’s the most confusing thing ever.

Even though I am rarely in this weird, “I don’t know” position, here’s what I know for sure.

“Life is full of lessons. However there are no right or wrong answers. Just messages that we hear and follow.”-Unknown

Let this adventure of blind faith through happiness and sometimes sorrow, continue.

Thanks for listening.

Xoxo

Does it really take a village to raise a child?

As I get older and life becomes more advanced in my professional career and personal life, it’s obvious that the need for having people around me who truly understand and facilitate a comfortable space for my growth is something I never foreseen happening.
 
It’s true. I’m no longer the person who can, will, and prefer to fly, fall, and gain back my strength alone.
I consistently find myself writing this down:
It not only takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to get you through your whole life. God bless the child that has his/her own, but also, God bless the ones who are struggling to keep it.”
 
I can be honest with myself and say that I’ve done it ALL alone, but I don’t want to do it anymore.
For the past year and 6 months I’ve been enlightened enough to know what being enlightened really means.
 
Enlightenment doesn’t mean you’re a smart and intelligent individual. Enlightenment doesn’t mean you’re a spiritual and pure person without fault.
 
Enlightenment means that although you’ve experienced all that there is and have studied all that you are, being certain about both and more, yet still, all of your knowing is unknown.
 
What I do know is that I don’t know anything.
All I know is that I’m here. That I’m learning and I’m going to continue to learn and make mistakes until my last breath.
Just maybe we read the traditional African proverb lightly. Maybe the proverb is saying that we should approach life everyday with a spirit of a child. Not fearing being wrong or asking for help. But to embrace the constant changes and the choice to willingly grow in between those changes.
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I know one thing, though. Through it all I Am forever grateful and thankful for my tribe, my village, my collective group of communal support.

Cristina Yang and I.

There’s always this overly ambitious girl in the classroom who answers every question correctly, is always the first to raise her hand when a question is asked, and she’s almost always asking for more work.

People in the back of the classroom: “Dang, can you just shut up?” After all, no one likes more work, right?

Ambition.

Much like the character from Grey’s Anatomy, Cristina Yang, I was that girl. She’s overly ambitious, determined, sometimes ruthless, and obsessively motivated.

What most people don’t know about people like Cristina Yang and I, there’s always a story as to why they are the way they are. Usually, their ambition is fueled by an emotionally traumatic event. That or extremely strict parents, ask Jidenna!

There’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that finally revealed the motive behind Cristina’s ambition.

When she was nine years old, her father died in a car accident. She watched her father bleed out before help arrived. She attempted to close his chest with her hands to try to stop the bleeding. She said she felt his heart stop when he died.

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“Oh, screw beautiful, I’m brilliant. You wanna appease me, compliment my brain!”-Cristina Yang

For me, I had a few awakening moments similar to Cristina. But, I remember being the same age as her, eagerly waiting for my dad to come home to take my mom and I to her job. She worked nights and it was my turn to spend the whole night with her. I was almost glued to her hip back then.

My dad ended up arriving late to pick us up. To my surprise, my mom had already rushed out the door and was in the car. Why didn’t she come get me? Now, picture me peaking through the front door, watching them as my dad beeped the horn waiting for me to come out. Why was I standing there and not running out the door? What was holding me back? I wanted to go so bad! Seconds later, my dad drives off. My-heart-SANK!

“If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more.”-Cristina Yang

I remember being in a few other instances where, I ended up places or in certain situations I disliked or felt uncomfortable in. All because I could not speak up for myself. I also remember receiving things (basically leftovers), because I was unable to express my preferences. Foolish me. I thought I was being noble, allowing others to choose 1st. It gets worse. There’s nothing more excruciating than watching someone walk away with something you believe is yours. Nothing!

Here’s what I learned from those experiences.

Life is not going to wait for you to be ready. Life is not going to yield to your preferences, without you making it known. Further more, if you sit and watch others pursue something you feel is for you, while you sit back and watch in humility– praying that what is for you is for you, ha, you’re going to be…assed out!

“Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here, and don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You’re on your own. Be on your own.”-Cristina Yang

People may not like it, but be like Cristina Yang and I. Challenge yourself and challenge others. Life is like an orange. If you don’t squeeze it, you won’t get any juice.

Fight for what you believe is yours, make your presence known in every room you enter, and let people know you showed up for one thing and one thing only. To conquer!

Because the truth is, those who win decided they’ve already won, days before walking into the ring.

There are levels to this…

You wouldn’t expect a baby to run when he’s still crawling, right? Then stop expecting people who aren’t on your level professionally, personally, or consciously to understand you. Don’t get mad. When you do, who’s the fool? Them, or you?

If something is not well received, SHUT UP and move on. Learn the philosophy I practice daily. It’s NOT THAT DEEP!

Readjust your mindset.

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For me, I KNOW I think and dream outrageously and that it takes an outrageous person with a completely insane vision and imagination to FULLY get me.

I understand…

It takes the RIGHT person, or it takes the right people, to embrace innovation.

Here’s an indicator for me. If I’m not communicating my artistry effectively, it’s clear that I’m sharing with the wrong person. Otherwise, I’m not shutting up and we’ll be engaged for hours. That’s when I know.

Will Smith says, “There’s this delusion quality that all successful people have to have. You have to believe that something different than what has happened 100 billion years ago…that something different can happen.”

So, it’s not that deep. I let the baby who’s crawling, crawl. I might even demonstrate how to walk. Might… 😉

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It just take the right people to embrace an idea of walking on the moon, or bending a piece of metal to form an aircraft that takes people around the world. It just does…

Protect your ideas and dreams, then go get it! The right people will show up.

Commit to your life. Don’t be weak!

Do you know what a commitment is?

It’s whether on a good day or a bad day you’re going to put your best foot forward.

Winning is a choice!

I don’t know why, but people really believe that they’re the only one’s with problems, as of life is purposely picking on them.

News flash, you’re not that special. Two words: TOUGHEN UP, man! Okay, that was three.

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The delusion is real. All the complaining, chuck it! If you think you’re going to somehow escape disappointment, shame, or circumstance etc, oh baby you got another thing coming.

Life will happen. The people you love may betray you, the best marriages and relationships may be tough to manage sometimes, and/or people will discriminate against you and hate you for no reason. Life will happen. I’m not excusing those things, but IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!

It has happened for years and it will continue to. What you focus on grows. So, cut it out!

My question for you is, will you be the success you see despite all of that? 

That’s what we do everyday. We get up and rise whether rain or shine.

Toughen up buttercup! Don’t be a sucker…

I remember, at my elementary school every morning they would play ‘You Gotta Be’, by Des’ree. Today, it’s still one of my favorite songs that remind me I am deserving of the life I envision, if I’m willing to work hard at it.

“You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day.”

Friends, love, and longevity.

There’s nothing better in the world than to have friends who court you throughout the transitions of life.

I was going through Gabrielle Union‘s IG page (I love her!) and I came across a photo of Gabrielle Union, Megan Good, Essence Atkins-Mendez, and Robin Lee. The cast from the hit movie, Deliver Us From Eva.

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All of whom who are still close friends today. From viewing this photo I went Essence Atkins-Mendez’s profile, then on to her husband’s profile. Essence and Gabrielle seems to be the closest. Especially since Essence and her husband officiated Gabrielle’s wedding.

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Now, this post isn’t some mushy relationship post targeting celebrities and the newest popular hashtag #relationshipgoals. But, this post, like my previous post, is to remind you that there is more to life than just business, making tons of money, and accumulating power throughout the process.

Friends. Family. Love.

Those few things are the true joys of life.

From one my favorite movies, Funny Girl, starring Barbara Streisand, she sings, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

Prancing around as if we don’t need others, and are better off doing things alone is foolish and simply a depressing life.

There’s nothing better in the world than to have friends that court you through the transitions of life.

Your career and relationship. Childbirth, personal growth and all the awkward and sometimes disturbing occurrences in between.

You don’t have to go through life alone. Often times people make the choice to do so, but you don’t have too.

Make friends and create enough memories to tell one day tell your grand kids. Either way, whether you’re wealthy or not, it will not matter.

 

The Power of Clarity

When you’re clear about your goals and your vision, or let’s just put it plainly. When you know what you want out of life, the ways of the world do not allure you to the things that do not align with your vision and purpose. #order

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So when you see other people experiencing things like marriage, success, or child-birth, you’re not wondering, “What am I doing wrong?”, or “When will it be my turn?”

No, you’re excited!

For me personally, I’m humbled by it. Because I know there’s a certain type of person that I want to be once I’m stepping towards each one of those milestones in life.

Call me crazy, but just like how expensive cars take specific oil and gas to function properly, it’s the same principles applied for the type of goals and vision that I have.

Regular premium will not do. I need to do extra work to get me together, and I’m aware that it takes time.

Just a little readiness.

Just like how we prepare for the day each morning, is how I prepare, daily, for certain things in my life.

Because it is a true tragedy to be at the door of health, wealth, love, and happiness (the good life) without being prepared to handle and maintain all that comes with it.

Although it happens every day, and people work through it, I don’t want to be one of those people.

Let’s just say that, that right there is the seed of my ambition.

I know what I want and I’m in NO RUSH! I want to be ready and I will be ready, even if at the moment I believe I’m not.

From the girl who once was, and probably still is, Pretty Awkward & Ugly.

I was writing a research paper and um… I don’t know why, but I begin to think about all the guys (well 2) that I had interest in back in high school. I mean the ones that you would have serious visualizations about of what life would look like if you were married with kids. Every girl does it, no matter if they’re a tomboy or a girly girl. An if they say they don’t, THEY’RE LYING! Word is bond. lol

Of course both of them (the two guys I was seriously interested in) couldn’t stand next to me today, and I say that humbly. I’m not down with putting anybody down (that sounded weird lol), but I’m just stating facts. A little realism never hurt.

It’s interesting…

Ask Sherry Shepard. Hill Harper was interested in her wayyyyy back in the day. Of course she couldn’t see the Hill Harper we know today. Oops! #BackThen

I don’t know how people don’t realize that all of the stars today (celebrities known and unknown) who are revolutionizing life, was once the ugly, awkward, and relatively, a quiet person who everyone ignored and picked on.

With all of the signs given to us, we’re still fooled by an outward image. One that does not display a smigged of what is contained inside.

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  • Pressure makes diamonds.
  • The rose that grew from the concrete. The concrete rose.
  • Lotus – often a symbol in Buddhism of beauty coming from what you believe to be ugliness…lotus flowers grow in the yuckiest mud.
  • The Scarlett Letter.

Embrace your awkward and ugly…There’s glory in the things unseen.

Then there comes a day when you realize why everyone you tried to pursue, or those who tried pursued you, resulted in failure.

It’s because who you are and who you’re going to be, is too BIG for the merger of a relationship that you would have settled for had you fell into the pressure of wanting a relationship, or someone wanting you.

Trust you life.
Trust your journey.
Trust your awkward and ugly.

I swear to you, it only gets better.

Let the pretty and put together be fly, sexy, praised and perfected for the day. Because like wine, we age and enhance for a lifetime.

It only get’s better with time.

Make the best of what was given to you.

By the way, the one who looks scared in the old photo above is me. 🙂 I call her Lotus! lol

Hey, what can I say? I like my,

Pretty, Awkward, and Ugly. 💋

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–Yes I moved the comma! 😉

“Chase the dream you haven’t seen yet. Soon everyone else will see it and chase you. There’s glory in the things unseen.”-Sarah Lee

Be prepared for the inevitable.

Many people pray to avoid pain, suffering, negativity, jealously, condemnation, wrongful accusations and so forth.

2015.03.26-Dilema-of-a-the-Scandalous-PromiseBut I, I ask to grow, learn and understand through those experiences. Sure, I’m not asking to dwell in those horrid situations, or attract any more than needed. However, I’ve come to terms with knowing and understanding that they’re inevitable, and I’d rather ask for the strength, courage and confidence to walk through the valley of those unseen moments, versus uselessly praying them away.

Now reading this it may sound like a noble philosophy to approach life, but it definitely doesn’t feel that way. It’s like, when you allow yourself to experience the darker side of life for growing purposes, it feels as if you’re allowing others and life to beat up on you. Writing this I’m instantly reminder of the story of Jesus and how he allowed himself to be spit on, cursed, and crucified.

I’m almost positive Jesus asked upon numerous occasions, “Why the hell does it have to be me?” Well maybe not not that way, but in the manner of asking why.

It just doesn’t feel good to be put into those situations, although ultimately it’s for the greater good.

There’s ONE thing that I explain to my friends and random strangers that I stop and speak to. This is after they’ve share a difficult moment with a family, friend, or co-worker with me.

Here’what I explain.

Erase the face of vessel that’s being used to teach you a lesson – cause that’s all it is. A lesson. I understand that it can be hard because often times it’s someone close to us. But if you hold on to that image of the person that did this or that, you’ll never learn what you need to learn in order to step into the space you desire to be in. So before you hold yourself back, stop and think about the lesson you need to gather from that altercation. Take your time to be angry. But once you’ve hashed it out, MOVE ON!

What I know for sure is, the difficult moments is what has and will continue to shape who I am, at the magnitude of which I express myself. So why would I pray away those moments? Moments that are, again, inevitable? It’s going to come anyways, so prepare for it.

boy-running-sunlightI want to go in suited up, armor ready to get in, get out, and conquer.

Master being peaceful when faced with an unpeaceful situation. Master being loving and compassion for the undeserving. Embody the idea of being and becoming a well-balanced warrior of life. One ready to experience everything life will throw at them.

No one is impressed with the happy person during the happiest moments. But impressions are made upon the happy during difficult times of struggle.