Real Friends. How Many Of Us?

I want to share this because energetic exchanges are real.

Today while I was out I met a male friend (it’s a fresh friendship) for a few minutes. I was getting an oil change and he was in the area.

Our interaction was fairly normal up until the last few seconds before departing. He’s a pretty cool guy with a pretty calm spirit. However, when we went our separate ways, I felt empty. It was as if someone sucked the life out of me.

Now, I was having a pretty good day and my spirits were high. What the hell just happened?

I’m a tell you.

I have quite a few male friends and it’s pretty easy befriending males, not that it’s any different with women. I am fully aware that some male “friends”, although they don’t say it, want to be more than friends. I can tell. It’s clear as day. Which is fine, whatever.

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But then there are the men who befriend you, want more, push for it and when you give the clear signal that either you’re not ready to go there quite yet or not at all, they begin to do things.

If they’re not using their words aggressively, they use their energy and/or treat you in a passive aggressive manner to get you to somehow yearn their company. That or they attempt to convince you that there’s something wrong with you.

I personally keep company with very few people and I’ll dismiss myself without warning if I feel something isn’t right. The truth behind that is, I’m very sensitive to other people’s energy. I’ve been that way since I’ve been a child. Therefore, I HEAVILY limit, govern and monitor my interaction with others. Religious institutions, professions, status, gender, money etc does not alter or offer up some type of exception to that either.

So no, I’m not being a B word or think I’m too good of a person for you.

Does it mean I care about someone any less if I suddenly disappear and am no longer around? No.

I just know that sometimes people’s intentions (both for men and woman) aren’t of the best intentions.

I’m not in denial. I get it. I have a pretty strong personality and it’s not widely popular, especially being a woman.

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But I want to make it clear that Sarah Lee comes first. I have to protect her space at all cost. Whether it’s a friendship or a relationship, I don’t care who you are, that will never supersede the importance of my sacred space.
In conclusion, I give all gratitude to the divine for supplying me with an abundance of amazing male and female friends that make it easy for me to sniff out who are not. I encourage you to strengthen your discernment and never compromise your space for an old or new friendship/relationship that doesn’t feel right.
I’m just sharing my experience.
~Xoxo
P.S. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this new friendship. Instead of breaking it off without warning, I’ll attempt to point out my concerns. I think. *shrugs

Here’s why we all need a Beth Pearson in our lives

I just got finished watching the 16th episode of This Is Us. I purposely missed the day it initially aired because I prefer to watch really good shows with little to no commercials.

Episode 16 named ‘Memphis’, opens up with Randall’s wife, Beth, going to bat for him after he had another anxiety attack. Randall is an extremely smart and successful stock and options trader (I think!) at a financial firm.The pressure of handling new and old accounts, having his biological (terminally ill) father come back into his life while maintaining the natural order of his life and home, the pressure has got to him yet again.

Susan Kelechi Watson’s plays Beth Pearson and I over love her character. My mom doesn’t, but I do. She thinks she’s a little stubborn. lol To me, Beth represents all of the strong women who doesn’t take no sh*t from no one – not even her mother in law.

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For so long society has painted women like her as difficult and tough to deal with. Because “wifey” has to have a la, la, la attitude, be aesthetically perfect and willing to perform any and every sexual act you prefer with the hopes you’ll stick around or never think of touching another woman. Because men will be men, right? *insert the emotionless emoji here

If you’re really watching, This Is Us reveals time and time again why Beth’s immovable force of an attitude serves a HUGE purpose. Not only to Randall but to everyone.

Although we all need a friend like Beth Pearson in our corner, I’m really speaking to the men on this one. So fellas, here’s why you should want someone like Beth Pearson as a wife.

(Be warned. If you haven’t watched a lick of this show, some of what I’m saying will probably fly over your head considering that fact that I will be sharing play-by-play examples to support this specific post.)

Alright, here goes!

  • You’re protected, even when you fail to protect yourself

When Randall brought his biological father to his home, Beth didn’t waste any time to figure out if William, Randall’s father, was taking advantage of her husband. She didn’t beat around the bush either. She’s a straight shooter. No bird’s getting by her!When you have the world on your shoulders, you not going to need a partner who’ll fold when you do.

When you have the world on your shoulders, you not going to need a partner who’ll fold when you do.

  • She’ll raise some amazing women

This is a no brainer. We all know that little girls reflect their mother and little boys (when older) will seek to find a woman who reflects his mother.

While Randall deals with the gravity of his father dying, Beth understands that she doesn’t have to only be strong for her husband, but she has to get her daughters through this pivotal moment too.

When you don’t get it right, she will.

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  • She’s Balanced

Although a bit abrasive (without emasculation) in order to protect Randall, Beth is also clearly funny, soft, and extremely supportive. The counsel that gives Randall is astonishingly jarring in the most intimate way. It’s sweet, sound, and aggressive – when necessary. It’s interesting to watch Randall consistently approach his wife in the most vulnerable and child-like way. Randall’s character defies the male stereotype, for sure.

(It’s interesting and very touching to watch Randall consistently approach his wife in the most vulnerable and child-like way. Randall’s character defies the male stereotype, for sure.)

Appreciate a woman who can pretty much do it all. Her power should not intimidate you but empower and excite you.

I’m writing this because I want every woman who does not budge at b*tchness and who is unapologetic at being the bad guy for the protection of their own, to be proud. Know that you are the foundation of any and every empire ever built.

Never allow yourself to accept the negative stigma given by society because your way of caring doesn’t fit the societal standards of what a woman, wife, and mother should be.

Without hesitation, continue raising hell for those you love.

Xoxo.

 

When we thought he/she was the ONE…

I’m going to give you all some FREE advice.
 
You want to know how to be successful in every aspect of you life? Financially, romantically, professionally, casually?
 
Simple…
Be present and give others a space for them to be themselves – even if you’re not given that courtesy.
 
Give others that space and MORE will be given to you.
 
People are the key. In business, in friendship, and definitely in relationships.
Pay attention, build a powerful social circle, and don’t be random according to how you choose the people to be around. Bump up the importance of who you allow in your life. #filteraccordingly
 
We acclimate to what “we” think is normal. Therefore, people are easier to read than you think.
 
In hindsight, you get what you give and you lose what you’re not.
 
P.S. We’re dying to be ourselves! 😉
Her name is Consistency.

This is one of my BIGGEST fears!

Let’s jump right in, shall we?
You wanna know what ONE of my biggest fears is?
Settling.
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Settling for a life that’s easy. Settling for one that makes sense and fits into normalcy. One that’s traditionally correct and appeasing to the religious standard. One that ultimately looks great immediately at face value and on paper, therefore gaining acceptance from others without question.
That burns in my belly day in and day out. Especially as I get older and there are “expectations” of being and doing specific things. #notinarush
However, that fear keeps me from getting into situations that lock me down, forcing me to take a basic and normal route for comfort, stability, and certainty.
Once upon a time I wanted normal. But I learned QUICKLY that “normal” was NOT made for a gal like me.
In some way that fear is definitely linked to being so much of a black sheep that you can almost never hide without drawing attention. However, again, that fear can and will never override the light that shines within me.
This little L I G H T of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.. 🙂
Let your light shine!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Here’s a simple trick to get what you want!

The more you keep running towards something, the more that “something” is going to naturally MOVE AWAY from you.
 
Ever tried to catch a butterfly? Doesn’t work does it?
 
Try reverse engineering that approach.
 
You don’t go after it. Let it come to you.
 
It has always been true that the best things in life kinda just happen. 😉
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“To get what you want you must earn what you want.”-  Charlie Munger

Does it really take a village to raise a child?

As I get older and life becomes more advanced in my professional career and personal life, it’s obvious that the need for having people around me who truly understand and facilitate a comfortable space for my growth is something I never foreseen happening.
 
It’s true. I’m no longer the person who can, will, and prefer to fly, fall, and gain back my strength alone.
I consistently find myself writing this down:
It not only takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to get you through your whole life. God bless the child that has his/her own, but also, God bless the ones who are struggling to keep it.”
 
I can be honest with myself and say that I’ve done it ALL alone, but I don’t want to do it anymore.
For the past year and 6 months I’ve been enlightened enough to know what being enlightened really means.
 
Enlightenment doesn’t mean you’re a smart and intelligent individual. Enlightenment doesn’t mean you’re a spiritual and pure person without fault.
 
Enlightenment means that although you’ve experienced all that there is and have studied all that you are, being certain about both and more, yet still, all of your knowing is unknown.
 
What I do know is that I don’t know anything.
All I know is that I’m here. That I’m learning and I’m going to continue to learn and make mistakes until my last breath.
Just maybe we read the traditional African proverb lightly. Maybe the proverb is saying that we should approach life everyday with a spirit of a child. Not fearing being wrong or asking for help. But to embrace the constant changes and the choice to willingly grow in between those changes.
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I know one thing, though. Through it all I Am forever grateful and thankful for my tribe, my village, my collective group of communal support.

Cristina Yang and I.

There’s always this overly ambitious girl in the classroom who answers every question correctly, is always the first to raise her hand when a question is asked, and she’s almost always asking for more work.

People in the back of the classroom: “Dang, can you just shut up?” After all, no one likes more work, right?

Ambition.

Much like the character from Grey’s Anatomy, Cristina Yang, I was that girl. She’s overly ambitious, determined, sometimes ruthless, and obsessively motivated.

What most people don’t know about people like Cristina Yang and I, there’s always a story as to why they are the way they are. Usually, their ambition is fueled by an emotionally traumatic event. That or extremely strict parents, ask Jidenna!

There’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that finally revealed the motive behind Cristina’s ambition.

When she was nine years old, her father died in a car accident. She watched her father bleed out before help arrived. She attempted to close his chest with her hands to try to stop the bleeding. She said she felt his heart stop when he died.

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“Oh, screw beautiful, I’m brilliant. You wanna appease me, compliment my brain!”-Cristina Yang

For me, I had a few awakening moments similar to Cristina. But, I remember being the same age as her, eagerly waiting for my dad to come home to take my mom and I to her job. She worked nights and it was my turn to spend the whole night with her. I was almost glued to her hip back then.

My dad ended up arriving late to pick us up. To my surprise, my mom had already rushed out the door and was in the car. Why didn’t she come get me? Now, picture me peaking through the front door, watching them as my dad beeped the horn waiting for me to come out. Why was I standing there and not running out the door? What was holding me back? I wanted to go so bad! Seconds later, my dad drives off. My-heart-SANK!

“If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more.”-Cristina Yang

I remember being in a few other instances where, I ended up places or in certain situations I disliked or felt uncomfortable in. All because I could not speak up for myself. I also remember receiving things (basically leftovers), because I was unable to express my preferences. Foolish me. I thought I was being noble, allowing others to choose 1st. It gets worse. There’s nothing more excruciating than watching someone walk away with something you believe is yours. Nothing!

Here’s what I learned from those experiences.

Life is not going to wait for you to be ready. Life is not going to yield to your preferences, without you making it known. Further more, if you sit and watch others pursue something you feel is for you, while you sit back and watch in humility– praying that what is for you is for you, ha, you’re going to be…assed out!

“Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here, and don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You’re on your own. Be on your own.”-Cristina Yang

People may not like it, but be like Cristina Yang and I. Challenge yourself and challenge others. Life is like an orange. If you don’t squeeze it, you won’t get any juice.

Fight for what you believe is yours, make your presence known in every room you enter, and let people know you showed up for one thing and one thing only. To conquer!

Because the truth is, those who win decided they’ve already won, days before walking into the ring.

Friends, love, and longevity.

There’s nothing better in the world than to have friends who court you throughout the transitions of life.

I was going through Gabrielle Union‘s IG page (I love her!) and I came across a photo of Gabrielle Union, Megan Good, Essence Atkins-Mendez, and Robin Lee. The cast from the hit movie, Deliver Us From Eva.

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All of whom who are still close friends today. From viewing this photo I went Essence Atkins-Mendez’s profile, then on to her husband’s profile. Essence and Gabrielle seems to be the closest. Especially since Essence and her husband officiated Gabrielle’s wedding.

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Now, this post isn’t some mushy relationship post targeting celebrities and the newest popular hashtag #relationshipgoals. But, this post, like my previous post, is to remind you that there is more to life than just business, making tons of money, and accumulating power throughout the process.

Friends. Family. Love.

Those few things are the true joys of life.

From one my favorite movies, Funny Girl, starring Barbara Streisand, she sings, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

Prancing around as if we don’t need others, and are better off doing things alone is foolish and simply a depressing life.

There’s nothing better in the world than to have friends that court you through the transitions of life.

Your career and relationship. Childbirth, personal growth and all the awkward and sometimes disturbing occurrences in between.

You don’t have to go through life alone. Often times people make the choice to do so, but you don’t have too.

Make friends and create enough memories to tell one day tell your grand kids. Either way, whether you’re wealthy or not, it will not matter.

 

The Power of Clarity

When you’re clear about your goals and your vision, or let’s just put it plainly. When you know what you want out of life, the ways of the world do not allure you to the things that do not align with your vision and purpose. #order

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So when you see other people experiencing things like marriage, success, or child-birth, you’re not wondering, “What am I doing wrong?”, or “When will it be my turn?”

No, you’re excited!

For me personally, I’m humbled by it. Because I know there’s a certain type of person that I want to be once I’m stepping towards each one of those milestones in life.

Call me crazy, but just like how expensive cars take specific oil and gas to function properly, it’s the same principles applied for the type of goals and vision that I have.

Regular premium will not do. I need to do extra work to get me together, and I’m aware that it takes time.

Just a little readiness.

Just like how we prepare for the day each morning, is how I prepare, daily, for certain things in my life.

Because it is a true tragedy to be at the door of health, wealth, love, and happiness (the good life) without being prepared to handle and maintain all that comes with it.

Although it happens every day, and people work through it, I don’t want to be one of those people.

Let’s just say that, that right there is the seed of my ambition.

I know what I want and I’m in NO RUSH! I want to be ready and I will be ready, even if at the moment I believe I’m not.

From the girl who once was, and probably still is, Pretty Awkward & Ugly.

I was writing a research paper and um… I don’t know why, but I begin to think about all the guys (well 2) that I had interest in back in high school. I mean the ones that you would have serious visualizations about of what life would look like if you were married with kids. Every girl does it, no matter if they’re a tomboy or a girly girl. An if they say they don’t, THEY’RE LYING! Word is bond. lol

Of course both of them (the two guys I was seriously interested in) couldn’t stand next to me today, and I say that humbly. I’m not down with putting anybody down (that sounded weird lol), but I’m just stating facts. A little realism never hurt.

It’s interesting…

Ask Sherry Shepard. Hill Harper was interested in her wayyyyy back in the day. Of course she couldn’t see the Hill Harper we know today. Oops! #BackThen

I don’t know how people don’t realize that all of the stars today (celebrities known and unknown) who are revolutionizing life, was once the ugly, awkward, and relatively, a quiet person who everyone ignored and picked on.

With all of the signs given to us, we’re still fooled by an outward image. One that does not display a smigged of what is contained inside.

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  • Pressure makes diamonds.
  • The rose that grew from the concrete. The concrete rose.
  • Lotus – often a symbol in Buddhism of beauty coming from what you believe to be ugliness…lotus flowers grow in the yuckiest mud.
  • The Scarlett Letter.

Embrace your awkward and ugly…There’s glory in the things unseen.

Then there comes a day when you realize why everyone you tried to pursue, or those who tried pursued you, resulted in failure.

It’s because who you are and who you’re going to be, is too BIG for the merger of a relationship that you would have settled for had you fell into the pressure of wanting a relationship, or someone wanting you.

Trust you life.
Trust your journey.
Trust your awkward and ugly.

I swear to you, it only gets better.

Let the pretty and put together be fly, sexy, praised and perfected for the day. Because like wine, we age and enhance for a lifetime.

It only get’s better with time.

Make the best of what was given to you.

By the way, the one who looks scared in the old photo above is me. 🙂 I call her Lotus! lol

Hey, what can I say? I like my,

Pretty, Awkward, and Ugly. 💋

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–Yes I moved the comma! 😉

“Chase the dream you haven’t seen yet. Soon everyone else will see it and chase you. There’s glory in the things unseen.”-Sarah Lee